Thinking about it..It's very difficult for me to acknowledge this. Simple but yet true. Do I want you?  Can i have be with you? Then it pops into my head. I brace myself and figure out that I am incapable. Back to reality I emerge. Going day by day. Living, breathing and wanting... I want you. I don't know you. But it's real. Sucks that i have to blog about it. Wrote a poem about it...Want to hear it? Can't..sorry it's just for you..

 

Wanna know who? Will never tell you. 

Wanna know why? Because when the moment comes i want to cherish it

Corny isn't it? Some may call it stupid. Me, personally. I don't mind. I wouldn't spend my time and effort to this if there wasn't any truth in it. Beauty isn't something that fades..It's what it evolves to. Ever changing. Always wanting...

Figured it out yet? Hope you did..<3

How can I see you

When you're not here

I'd wait a thousand days

Just to see your eyes

 

All my added effort

Was just for you

I wouldn't be able to move through life

Without you

 

I'm real scared

How this would turn out to be

But I know one thing

I'll give you my life

 

Dance away

Because I know you're real good

Wherever you are

Give your gift

 

I love you

And I'll tell you a trillion times

And it wouldn't even match how much I do

Just the way you are.

 

Women's English:

 

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up.

Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole.

 

 

 Men's English:

 

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired" = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you." = Let's have sex now.

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am gay.

 

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About this website disclaimer

 

 

 

 

 A- AVAILABLE: meh.......

 

 B - BIRTHDAY: 03/11/1985

 

 C - CRUSHING ON: meh.....

 

 D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD:  coffee

 

 E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: theres more than one person that i find it easy to talk to

 

 F - FAVORITE SONG:  ahhh i have too many favorite songs!

 

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Gummy Bears.

 

  H - HOMETOWN: Sacramento, Ca

 

 I - IN LOVE WITH: no one

 

  K - KILLED SOMEONE: not that i can recall lol

 

 L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: oh wow prolly from California to Texas

 

 M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: Vanilla or Chocolate

 

 N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 2.....1 brother, 1 sister 

 

 O - ONE WISH: to one day be happy

 

 P- PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: no one, they call me :]

 

 R - REASON TO SMILE: because someone made you smile or something made you smile?

 

 S - SONG YOU LAST SANG: Evanescence~ Last Song I'm Wasting On You

 

 T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 6:30am z.z

 

 U - UNICORNS OR DINOSAURS: Dinosaurs....rawr!

 

 V - VEGETABLE: Green Beans 

 

 W - WORST HABIT: smoking 

 

 X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: back, feet, teeth

 

 Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Pisces

RELATIONSHIPS: When a relationship ends, a woman will cry and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men Are Idiots". Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. Six months after the break-up, at 3:00 a.m. on a Saturday night, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want you to know that there's always a chance for us." This is known as the "I Hate You / I Love You" drunken phone call, and 99% of all men have made at least once. There are community colleges that offer courses to help men get over this need.

 

SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.

 

MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.

 

MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter from women.

 

HANDWRITING: To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken-scratch. Women use scented, colored stationery and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's". It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note!!!

 

BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

 

GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a beer. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.

 

CATS: Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love, American Style."

 

THE TELEPHONE: Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

 

RICHARD GERE: Women like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women.

 

MADONNA: Same as above, but reversed. Same reason.

 

LOCKER ROOMS: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women talk about one thing in the locker-sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie.

 

MOVIES: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him.

 

TIME: When a woman says she'll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she's using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.

 

FRIENDS: Women on a girl's night out talk the whole time. Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos or Got any more beer?"

 

RESTROOMS: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Women use restrooms as social lounges. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?

How To Shower Like a Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts,etc. Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumicestone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

 

How To Shower Like a Man:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.

Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.

Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.

Pee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.

Admire wiener size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

If there is anyone among you who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something so very wrong with you.

Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!!

1. When we get whistled at in the street, we feel uncomfortable and we’ll always tut and roll our eyes. But we’re awesomely flattered and we’d be gutted if it stopped.

 

2. We will never grow out of our fascination with pop stars. A guy can be completely ordinary-looking, but we will fancy him if he’s in a band.

 

3. We are more likely to fancy a guy if his ex-girlfriends are really pretty.

 

4. We can be put off a guy by finding out that his ex-girlfriends are a bit ugly.

 

5. When we look through your Facebook photos, we’re looking to see how pretty or ugly your ex-girlfriends are.

 

6. We look through your Facebook photos a lot, and we really hope that you haven’t downloaded anything that reveals who looks at them the most.

 

7. Here’s how to make us fall for you. One day, come on to us so strong that we’re a bit weirded out by it. Then totally fail to ring us. We’ll wonder what we did wrong, and we won’t be able to stop thinking about you.

 

8. The above strategy isn’t foolproof. We may just lose interest. It depends on how much we liked you in the first place. 

 

9. We often don’t know how much we liked you in the first place. We may have to wait until you don’t phone us. If we’re disappointed, it proves that we fancy you. If we’re not, it proves that we don’t. It’s like when you toss a coin to help you make a decision.

 

10. Stop trying to understand how our minds work. Even we don’t understand how our minds work.

 

11. We constantly change our minds and reserve the right to do so.

 

12. We love getting a missed call from you. It makes us feel in control.

13. The pleasure of noticing a missed call doesn’t last long. We never know how soon to ring back, and it does our heads in.

 

14. We are constantly scared of putting you off by seeming too keen.

 

15. We are constantly scared of putting you off by not seeming keen enough.

 

16. We will never discuss this with you because we are constantly scared of putting you off by bringing “us” up in conversation.

 

17. “I’m scared of being hurt” means “I don’t fancy you as much as I thought I did.” You know it, we know it, and that is all that will be said on the matter.

 

18. We say “we’re not manipulative” because we’re really good at being manipulative.

19. We only manipulate your feelings because you manipulated our feelings first.

 

20. Snoring costs you sex.

 

21. Your feet disgust us.

 

22. We shave our toes.

 

23. We’ve got a rogue hair that needs regular plucking.

 

24. We went through a phase of shaving our moustache.

 

25. We leave our legs unshaven on a first date so that we won’t end up in bed with you.

 

26. We wear big knickers on a first date so that we won’t end up in bed with you.

 

 

27. We spend entire first dates fancying the pants off you and worrying that we’ll end up in bed with you, all unshaven legs and big knickers.

28. We don’t actually care that much about the loo seat.

 

 

29. We suspect that you like our bodies more when we’re carrying a few extra pounds, but we always feel better about ourselves when we lose weight. However we hate that our boobs look deflated, and we’re disgusted by the injustice of it.

30. We envy you for being able to eat more than us and not get fat. By “envy” we mean “occasionally hate.”

 

31. If a grown-up woman has light blonde hair, she’s bleaching it*. You can tell that a woman is a natural blonde from her mousey eyebrows. (* OK, or she’s Scandinavian.)

 

32. We trim our nose-hair.

 

33. Yes we’ve got nice eyes, blah blah. Boring. We are desperate for you to compliment our skin and our necks.

 

34. We are even more desperate for you to write poems about us.

 

35. When we’re at a party we clock the sexy girls far quicker than we clock the sexy guys.

 

36. We find female strippers sexier than male strippers. But that doesn’t mean we want to snog any of them.

 

37. However we do wish we were gay sometimes, if only to get oral sex from someone who really knows what they’re doing.

 

38. Size does matter, fellas.

 

39. What you do with it matters even more.

 

40. What you do with your tongue matters most of all.

 

41. We’re really scared that you’ll feel our back zits.

 

42. During breakouts we get up at 6am and cover our spots with concealer while you’re sleeping.

 

43. We don’t want you to stay for breakfast. We want you to leave immediately so that you don’t have time to register how dog-rough we look in the morning.

 

44. We want you to text us from your journey home to say how you can’t stop smiling.

 

45. If you don’t text or call within 24 hours we’ll feel so unhappy that no amount of chocolate and wine can cheer us up. Though we’ll give it a try.

 

46. We’d happily sleep with your best mate to make you jealous.

 

47. We’re scared of commitment too.

 

48. If you’re not very well endowed, your girlfriend won’t tell her friends. She’s as embarrassed about it as you are. However if you dump her, she’ll tell everyone.

 

49. We fake orgasms so that you’ll stop and let us go to sleep.

 

50. We aren’t always sure when we’re faking it. In orgasms, the line between fact and fiction can be very thin.

 

51. We love falling asleep in your arms, for the first few weeks of a relationship anyway. To be honest we’d sleep a lot better if you weren’t there.

 

52. We find your dark-coloured bedsheets a total turn-off.

 

53. We’re all little girls inside. You make us cry far more easily than you realise.

Women's English:

Yes = No

No = Yes

Maybe = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain.

Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.

The same old thing = Nothing

Nothing = Everything

Everything = My PMS is acting up.

Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole.

 

 

 Men's English:

 

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.

"I'm tired" = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this.

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you." = Let's have sex now.

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!

"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!

"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am gay.

Spread the Stupidity

 

Only in North America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front...

 

Only in North America do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. 

 

Only in North America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in North America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage .

Only in North America do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in North America do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. 

 

EVER WONDER...

Why the sun lightens our hair,

but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe,   why do they call the airport the terminal?

 So you want to be a California girl? There's more to California than bikinis and beaches. Are you up to the challenge?

 

STEPS:

1.Find your own fashion. California fashion ranges from beach bums to hippies to office chicks, and everything in between. Aim for a sophisticated but casual look.

2.Enjoy the outdoors. Hike, bike, ski, run, skate, swim, and garden. Try beach volleyball. Surfing isn't just for guys, either. Not all California girls are outdoorsy, but if you associate slender, fit, and tan with California, this is why.

3.Make up your own mind and think independently. Californians are very opinionated, and many of them, especially near the coast and the bigger cities, are well educated and lean toward liberal politics.

4.Be active in your community. You don't have to go out protesting everything, but do vote in elections as soon as you're old enough. Write for your local paper, volunteer for a cause that interests you, and encourage your friends and neighbors to do the same.

5.Get an education. California is home to intellectuals, artists, writers, and business people of all sorts. You'll seem more Californian if you can relate with one or more of these groups.

6.Be friendly and approachable. If New Yorkers have a reputation for being standoffish, Californians are the other way around. Give directions if you're asked, help out, and smile.

7.Be a go-getter. Whatever you choose to do with your life, give it your all. Aim for the director's chair, or dream of being CEO someday.

8.Lead an environmentally friendly lifestyle. Recycle all that you can. Use less energy. Ride your bike. (Remember that out of doors part?) Californians do spend a lot of time sitting in traffic, but individually, many take the opportunities they have to cut down on waste in its various guises.

9.Be open to diversity. California is home to a wide variety of people, climates, industries, pastimes, and communities. Take the time to explore other cultures and learn at least a little about everything you can.

10.Perform. If you aspire to acting, writing, singing, music, dancing, art, or any other creative endeavor, get out there and try it, and don't give up on your dream, even if it means pursuing it a hobby or sideline for a time. Californians love to show their stuff.

TIPS:

Visit California if you get the chance, and try not to spend the whole time on the beaches. California also has excellent cities, national and state parks, and many other attractions to explore.

 

Consider living in California, at least for a while. Many of the people in California were not born there, so you will fit right in.

 People in California, at least in Southern California, honestly use the words 'dude' and 'like'. Please avoid overusing these, even if you have done it all your life and live here. People in Northern California use the adjective "hella" a lot. (eg. That was hella awesome).

 Not everything here in California revolves around Hollywood. As mentioned already, there are other places in California to visit that are even better than Hollywood.

 

WARNINGS:

Be real. Nobody likes a poser.

San Francisco is cold, like most Northern California beaches, especially during summer. If you're coming, bring at least a light jacket. It does snow in California, at least in the mountains.

It is okay to say 'like' a lot, but do NOT try to act like a Valley Girl or overuse it.

• "I'm going fishing." Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
• "Let's take your car." Really means.... "Mine is full of beer cans, burger wrappers and completely out of gas."
• "Woman driver." Really means.... "Someone who doesn't speed, tailgate, swear, make obscene gestures and has a better driving record than me."
• "I don't care what color you paint the kitchen." Really means.... "As long as it's not blue, green, pink, red, yellow, lavender, gray, mauve, black, turquoise or any other color besides white."
• "It's a guy thing." Really means.... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
• "Can I help with dinner?" Really means.... "Why isn't it already on the table?"
• "Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear." Really mean.... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.
• "Good idea." Really means.... "It'll never work. And I'll spend the rest of the day gloating."
• "Have you lost weight?" Really means.... "I've just spent our last $30 on a cordless drill."
• "My wife doesn't understand me." Really means.... "She's heard all my stories before, and is tired of them."
• "It would take too long to explain." Really means.... "I have no idea how it works."
• "I'm getting more exercise lately." Really means.... "The batteries in the remote are dead."
• "I got a lot done." Really means.... "I found 'Waldo' in almost every picture."
• "We're going to be late." Really means.... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
• "Hey, I've read all the classics." Really means.... "I've been subscribing to Playboy since 1972."
• "You cook just like my mother used to." Really means.... "She used the smoke detector as a meal timer, too."
• "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Really means.... "I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
• "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard." Really means.... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
• "That's interesting, dear." Really means.... "Are you still talking?"
• "Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love." Really means.... "I forgot our anniversary again."
• "You expect too much of me." Really means.... "You want me to stay awake."
• "It's a really good movie." Really means.... "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and Heather Locklear."
• "That's women's work." Really means.... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
• "Will you marry me?" Really means.... "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter."
• "Go ask your mother." Really means.... "I am incapable of making a decision."
• "You know how bad my memory is." Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
• "I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
• "Football is a man's game." Really means.... "Women are generally too smart to play it."
• "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
• "I do help around the house." Really means.... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."
• "Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
• "I can't find it." Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
• "What did I do this time?" Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
• "What do you mean, you need new clothes?" Really means.... "You just bought new clothes 3 years ago."
• "She's one of those rabid feminists." Really means.... "She refused to make my coffee."
• "But I hate to go shopping." Really means.... "Because I always wind up outside the dressing room holding your purse."
• "No, I left plenty of gas in the car." Really means.... "You may actually get it to start."
• "I'm going to stop off for a quick one with the guys." Really means.... "I am planning on drinking myself into a vegetative stupor with my chest pounding, mouth breathing, pre-evolutionary companions."
• "I heard you." Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
• "You know I could never love anyone else." Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
• "You look terrific." Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
• "I brought you a present." Really means.... "It was free ice scraper night at the ball game."
• "I missed you." Really means.... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper."
• "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."
• "We share the housework." Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
• "This relationship is getting too serious." Really means.... "I like you more than my truck."
• "I recycle." Really means.... "We could pay the rent with the money from my empties."
• "Of course I like it, honey, you look beautiful." Really means.... "Oh, man, what have you done to yourself?"
• "It sure snowed last night." Really means.... "I suppose you're going to nag me about shoveling the walk now."
• "It's good beer." Really means.... "It was on sale."
• "I don't need to read the instructions." Really means.... "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up without printed help."
• "I'll fix the garbage disposal later." Really means.... "If I wait long enough you'll get frustated and buy a new one."
• "I broke up with her." Really means.... "She dumped me."
• "I'll take you to a fancy restaurant." Really means.... "Someplace that doesn't have a drive-thru window.